Hope is not a method

Mom says I should write a blog about winter – specifically, winter routines. She’s usually right about everything, so I make it a point to follow her advice:

Part 1: Ke ftohtë? (are you cold?)

December in Florida

As I was leaving sunny Florida for this adventure, I recall thinking “gee whiz, hope the winter’s not too bad.”  Oh how I miss those young, naive, warm days….  Now fully into my 2nd Albanian winter, I can confirm: it’s a bummer, but it’s totally doable – you just need a method.  Further, as Col. Jim Mudd used to tell me: hope is not a method!

Back in the day, when I first moved to Albania and gave you loyal readers a home tour, I still didn’t know all the tricks to life in  a Communist Era apartment building.  Mainly: this insulation-less concrete square leaks hot air like water through a sieve, and my heater is the size of a breadbox.   You can try to beat me into shivering submission, Balkan Winter, but I will prevail!  22 months in, I can now share with you the method to survival…

• Stay warm method #1: reduce the area you’re trying to heat.  I shut the doors, and only heat the living room/kitchen area.  Even better, sit in one place and point the heater at yourself.
• Stay warm method #2: wear a lot of clothes, all the time.  Extra special thanks go out to my mom (I told you she was wise!), Sasha and Cricket for gifting me with long underwear.  I wear stocking caps, scarves, multiple pairs of socks, and -honestly- my down coat around the house like Mr. Rogers wears cardigans around the neighborhood.
• Stay warm method #3: move!  Haven’t we all wished we could have a dance party to Modern English and Jay-Z at the same time…in our living room….at 3 in the afternoon…by ourselves!?  Thank you, Girl Talk, for giving me the soundtrack to circulation.

Obviously the drawback to heating just one room is that all the other rooms are extraordinarily cold…..

Part 2: Do bësh dush? (Gonna take a shower?)

I like to be clean.  I love that fresh-out-of-the-shower feeling.  On a hot day, I’ll shower twice just because.  BUT.  I hate being cold.  I can’t stand the way my muscles cramp up from shivering.  On a cold day, I’ll wear a hat around the house just because.  Unfortunately, winter in Albania presents me with a huge conflict of interest: showering requires disrobing, in the coldest room of the house.  I combat this with a multi-step strategy:

• Step 1: fill the water tank.
• Step 2: heat the water.  This depends on how cold it is to begin with, but I give it about an hour for a full tank.  It doesn’t heat to any particular temperature – it just keeps heating until it’s turned off (almost boiled water once), so this takes some trial/error toward the end.
• Step 3: put the heater in the bathroom.  Turn it on, close the door, wait 10 minutes.
• Step 4: get everything ready – the clothes to put on post-shower, the slippers, the hair dryer.  One omission could be a very cold mistake.
• Step 5: muster courage – get naked.
• Step 6: Shower.  Nearly-scalding water is best, because then it’s easier to turn off when I’m finished.
• Step 7: Get dry.  I do this in close proximity to the heater… first with a towel, then with a hair dryer.  This is easily the most enjoyable part of any winter day – taking a blow dryer to myself.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
• Step 8: Make sure all skin is dry and covered before opening the bathroom door.

Note: this also requires a delicate balance of electricity usage….. it’s not advisable to run the heater, the water heater, and the blow dryer at the same time – for fear of blowing a fuse.  Worst part of blowing a fuse?  Having to go outside and down 4 flights of stairs in the freezing cold just to flip the breaker.  Brrrrrr.

Part 3: Gjumë të ëmbël (Sweet dreams)

The whole one-warm-room thing comes back to haunt me AGAIN.  On the chilly days (let’s say, anything above freezing) I can sleep in my bedroom by getting buried under a pile of blankets with a hot water bottle.  Wearing a stocking cap.  On the cold days I sleep in the warm room – on the couch – in my sleeping bag.  For safety (and financial) reasons I don’t leave the heater on while I sleep, so huge props to Aunt Sue for recommending the Mountain Hardware Phantom-32, 800-fill down bag.  Toasty!

December in Albania

The upside is that I don’t have to make my bed every day.  The downside is that in the morning, the room will be cold again… and I will be at least an hour and 10 minutes away from a hot shower.